He made me go gay

Gay men were being kicked out of their own families, their love lives were illegal. Our distance from the mainstream is also the source of our wit, our resilience,. Several studies have found that living in gay neighborhoods predicts higher rates of risky sex and meth use and less time spent on other community activities like volunteering or playing sports. John Pachankis, a stress researcher at Yale, says the real damage gets done in the five or so years between realizing your sexuality and starting to tell other people. Over the years, James had convinced himself that he would never come out. That would be classed as a very sinister superpower.

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These masculinity norms exert a toll on everyone, even their perpetrators. The trouble with this claim is that teenage rebellion is largely temporary; hair grows back, outfits can be changed. Once, at a water park, one of my middle-school friends caught me staring at him as we waited for a slide. Salway grew up in Celina, Ohio, a rusting factory town of maybe 10, people, the kind of place, he says, where marriage competed with college for the year-olds. In a survey of gay men who recently arrived in New York City, three-quarters suffered from anxiety or depression, abused drugs or alcohol or were having risky sex—or some combination of the three. By the time he got to high school, Adam had learned to manage his mannerisms so well that no one suspected him of being gay.

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Every gay man I know carries around a mental portfolio of all the shitty things other gay men have said and done to him. My parents thought it was cute, so they took a video and showed it to my grandparents. But if you experience years and years of small stressors—little things where you think, Was that because of my sexuality? He must have been 10 or 11, dragged on a vacation to Long Island by his parents. But he, like me, like most of us, learned it somehow. For other minority groups, living in a community with people like them is linked to lower rates of anxiety and depression. And just like the last epidemic we lived through, the trauma appears to be concentrated among men.

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